The Power “Bomb” Rankings
What’s going on bloggers? My name
is Adam “Bomb”. I was James’ random freshman roommate from college. I work at
an Ice Cream plant in Roslindale called “Puritan Ice Cream”, hence the team
name. There’s always a ton of discussion about how and where James’ ranks
people in the power rankings. I volunteered to write my own power rankings so
others could get a different opinion for once. I actually haven’t read James’
rankings from week 6 despite the fact they’ve been out for a few days now. I’ve
been super busy and haven’t had time to work on this. I want this to be
completely uninfluenced and all of these thoughts are my take on the current
team ranks.
It was a HUGE week for me going up
against James. I was #1 and he was a close #2. Sadly, I lost despite a well
played 131 points. Anyways, here they are. Read em’ and weep!
1. Tahiti
Loungers - ALL HAIL THE CHEESE! Are u f’ing with
me!? James drops a heat wave on Team Ice Cream and melts the current weekly
high score. Thank god “Legatron” missed about 3 fg’s and Denarius Moore rode
the pine. Is there a TD this team didn’t have!? Christ, even Arian the
Barbarian was shut down but spoon-fed 2 freebies. I’m still not impressed with
Mathews. Not for all the hype he got. This team is really loving Angry Pirates
generosity, trading him both Rodgers and Nelson. The Loungers stole 1st
from me and the point lead by 8! What do u want me to do vs. the season high
169? “What does New HighScore mean? Is that good? Did I break it?”
2. Crossing
Guards – Look both ways before crossing Whiting Ave in The
Dirty D, cuz this team will run your ass over! The Pirates never stood a chance
(per usual). Bill is crushing teams with his “mercy” grip. Nice to see Romo
remembered what team he was playing for this week. At one point before the GB
game started, I was leading the week in points. Next thing u know Bill had 148
with some wild stat correction to Dez… Percy is AMAZING. Love that fucking
dude. Put him in as kicker so he can find even more ways to score points. I bet
he could motion, catch the snap, and throw himself a td pass. Everyone else
just did what was expected. Bill’s such a savage that James Jones sitting on
his bench with 18 was almost his best play. The rich just keep getting richer…
3. Team
Ice Cream – A disappointing effort even with a
strong 131 points. Both Richardson and Murray were off to a great start then
BOOM injuries. The worst part of the injuries was that the filler in both games
was handling the work with ease! I wasn’t too happy with Green or RG3’s
performances for awhile, but then they proved why they are the #1 and #2
fantasy scorers. Too fast too furious. James was NOT happy. Then the GB game
started… Thankfully Cbell traded Jordy to James on the week that I play him.
Actually, fuck u very much Pirates. Despite the 41 point bomb Jordy dropped on
me, the worst part of the trade has yet to come… I made a few coaching calls
that really shit the bed for me. Starting Andre Roberts to spite James and
choosing to pick up Chandler over Gresham lost me about 25 points, but that’s
football gentleman. Wasn’t winning either way.
4. Victorious
Secret – The Philadelphia Victorious Secrets dominated
this week. Kait dropped a 157 bomb on The Godfather and crushed his “high” spirits.
They duked it out on Monday night, but Gates dropped a massive haymaker on
Floyd’s chin. Finally Gates wakes from his slumber. The newest member to the
Secret, Jeremy Maclin, had a huge 27 point day along with fellow teammates Djax
and of course McCoy. When everyone shows up to play this team is DANGEROUS. Kait
even had Colston and Sproles sitting on a BYE week. I think Kait will rise up
the ranks to compete at another shot this year. Pretty easy schedule the rest
of the way. Hopefully she can make it through this next week with everyone
absent on BYE’s. Dan is in HATE mode and all his players are coming back fresh.
Dan deems this matchup “the karma bowl” due to their trade.
5. A
Pinch Better – This fucking team… I don’t know. So
fragile at RB. Lynch is solid with a few skittles, but after him it’s hit or
miss CJ and PT loser. I don’t know wtf Grant
is even doing on a roster but he’s riding the pine on this bench. I love the
Eli-Cruz connection. Giants are a high powered throwing team and these 2 love
to hook up. Kinda like The Pirates and Guards. The receiving corps is the
obvious strength of this team. A lot of high floor, high ceiling wideouts. TE
is a headache with 2 mediocre options (I feel your pain). All in all this team
is just…blah. Can’t hate too much though, Sean has the 3rd highest
point total in the league with 768!? Looks like another win coming up this week
for APB with the Patriots missing Peyton and Julio to BYE’s.
6. A1
Providers – Paul is sitting pretty in 2nd
place right meow. I was gonna rank Paul higher because of it, but then I looked
at his roster and stats. He has the 7th most points for and the 11th
most points against by only 4 points. Paul always manages to win even with BYE’s
in. This kid can’t be stopped. The first year he played the undefeated #1 team
with 3 BYE’s in and still left with a W. I’m nervous for this team though.
There’s a storm brewing down the stretch for the Providers. The rest of their
season goes like this; EatMoreChicken, APB, Guards, Secret, Loungers, Ice
Cream, The Godfather. FUCK THAT! Easily the hardest remaining schedule. To go
along with that, Providers is also CRAZY thin at RB rostering only 3. J-stew
and Carolina can’t get anything on the ground. Bolden is nice, but doesn’t get
enough looks as a backup on a pass heavy offense. When you’re leaning on Turner
as your RB1 you know your legs are gonna buckle. It won’t be long before Quizz
takes over. Pierre Garcon is a clown right now, taking forever to come back.
Welker and Vjax have been super solid however, and Hawkins shows a lot of
upside. Thankfully for Paul, Drew Brees comes back to carry this team (and any
team he plays for). I hope there’s still a lot of pixie dust left in Paul’s magic
bag.
7. Jenna
– This team couldn’t get any Luck if they drafted the starter for Indy. Cursed
with matchup nightmares, this team has been overachieving like crazy this year
and yet still a disappointment. The lineup couldn’t look any better (well maybe
if u didn’t draft 3 QB’s and waste precious picks, but nevertheless). Finally
the black sheep team gets a fair matchup and doesn’t have to score 150 to win.
Instead they only have to score 100… and EPIC FAIL. At least both WR’s suited
up for Jenna on Sunday, but c’mon it’s Megatron and Fitz… Those 2 always rape
and pillage. Not a great game for the Falcons so that hurt Matty Ice and T-gonz
both finishing with 8. Just average games from the 2 RB’s and a poor performance
out of Mr. Mendenhall in the flex. Shonn Greene shot out of a cannon and had 40
points on the lumber. Who wants to start that fucking loser though? Her special
teams were a bust too, only scoring 8 points combined. This team needed those
early season wins. Gonna be a hard climb back into contention, especially with
the Falcons and McGahee on a BYE this week. EMC has the roster to pull it off.
I’m rooting for ya newbie!
8. The
Rental Guys – THANK GOD this week is over! Let’s
just pretend it never happened. Practically Dan’s entire roster was taking a
week off. Cam, Forte, Bmarsh, and M. Bush were all on BYE’s. Ryan Williams and
newly acquired Donald Brown were both hurt and forced Dan to pick-up 2 FA to
fill his empty spots. He chose both AZ Cardinals since they would split time,
but it seems only 1 was worth the spot. I’m glad this team is looking into its
weakness and hoarding upside backs for hopes of a gem. If only this team kept
thinking more like this… All these mid-late range teams all have a thin RB
corps. Coincidence? I think not. Look at the top teams holding onto their stud
RB’s with a chokehold. At least the Rental Guys had Hartline to fall back on…
too bad nobody was there to catch him. That loser put up a big fat doughnut in
the flex hole. We all expected a loss from this team this week considering the
circumstances. Expect a MASSIVE bounce back from this team with a completely
refreshed lineup. Only putting up 62 points is just flat out embarrassing
though. That’s why this team is sitting here. If his 2 WR’s Wayne and Bmarsh
keep producing like they are Dan will need to call the Viagra Help Hotline to
get rid of his boner. GL to Kait this week, I think sacrificing a virgin to the
fantasy gods is in order. What goes around comes around, right Dan? I just
wanna get one more laugh in at Dan this week. His players scored; 6,11,14,8,2,6,0,6,9.
YAY D/ST and K!
9. Comeback
Story – Here comes the COMEBACK! Donny with a HUGE 4
point win over EMC keeps his head afloat. I really like this team and its
potential. The QB battle on this team must be getting annoying. Finally dropped
Wilson with confidence and Luck only scores a miserable 5 points. Bowe had a
terrible game and wants out of KC VERY badly… I hate the questionable call
Donny made in the absence of MJD. He started James Starks (I know, WTF!?
Gross.) over potential playmakers D. Richardson, McCluster, and even Robert
Turbin. This team is just under performing and not meshing at the same time.
Tough matchup and BYE’s this week against the Guards. Hopefully Donny can put
up a decent score to give himself a chance. Comeback Story needs it’s MOJO back
and I think Austin Powers can help him find it.
10. The
Godfather – Just can’t catch a break. Both 1st
year teams are running into brick walls. They post good numbers every week and
still get man handled. Abe scored 127 points with Jamaal Charles posting the
lowest score (6)… Brady (21), Bradshaw ( 20), Cobb (19, This dude is a fucking ANIMAL),
Rudolph (19), Stevie “Money Sandwich” Johnson (14), Floyd in the flex with
(11). The only issue is that I feel like this is a “high” performance from all
of his players and this trend won’t continue. Tough matchup this week vs. Ice
Cream with no JC from KC. Something has to happen if this team wants a playoff
berth. The Godfather’s falling too far too fast and needs to sell his soul for
a win!
11. The
Boston Patriots – Julio Julio, wherefore art thou
Julio. No seriously, where the fuck did u go!? Such an dominant force and recently
he’s just been a shadow to Roddy. Jimmy Graham has been disappointing as well.
Great pick-up on Celek earlier in the season. I had my eye on him all off
season. Too bad the Patriots first 2 draft picks are kind of busts right meow.
Again, another team really shallow at RB. Gore has been impressive, but Gore is
Gore and it’s only time until he slows down and loses carries or gets hurt.
Frankie Glass, ya know? After Gore comes BenFumbles GreenEllis. No more
Patriots, no more ball discipline. I’m not a huge believer in his run game. No
real upside to him, just a decent base. That’s it though. Totally screwed if
one goes down (Gore). 2 backup RB’s on the bench. There’s some optimism for
both, but it’s a slight reach. Kenny Britt seems to be back to his formal self
again or at least close to it. This team should start to make some noise as
long as his RB’s can stay healthy/produce. Tough matchup vs. Sean with Peyton,
Julio, and Celek out on BYE’s.
12. The
Angry Pirates – Who wants a shot at the CHAMP!? Bill
took more than a shot at the Champ. He beat him into oblivion. I actually LOVE
Cbell’s team, but they can’t produce at the same time and they have been so up
and down. The Pirates keep making trades and re-selling the players once he’s
warmed them up. Back to the Decker/Jordy trade. Cbell lost out on 20 points,
which blows, but remember I said there was a kicker? The Pirates play the
Loungers this week and Decker has a BYE. Not only did Cbell fuck himself this
week (still would’ve got smoked with the extra 20), but now he has to sit him
against his last owner. PWNED. On the very dim bright side, Decker managed to
score 21 points so it’s not like the trade was a bust (hahahaha). The Pirates
have A LOT of depth but nobody to lead the way. Even though he’s been trading
up the wazoo, the Pirates need to obtain a STAR player that can win him a game.
He still hasn’t won yet, remember? Until then I have to leave u here, at the
bottom of the ranks. KO’d from the Big Daddy Diesel Powerbomb Bill buried u
with. Another biggest blowout… How can u look at urself in the mirror? From Champ
to chump.
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